Before my Warrior Princess was even born, I knew I needed to get her started with Early Intervention. I had read about it, was told about it and I guess through the grapevine I knew Early Intervention (EI) was what’s up.
There was an evaluation visit where Warrior Princess was deemed qualified for EI with a presumptive diagnosis of Down Syndrome and was recommended physical therapy twice a month, a second visit with the case coordinator (with whom I went to college! Small world ‘eh?) and then her first visit with the physical therapist.
I was so nervous for first visit from the physical therapist. Was the apartment clean enough? Would the dogs bark the whole time? Does she hate dogs? Would she like me? But would I even like her..? Would she take one look at Warrior Princess and think we needed to buckle down because she was super physically behind?
The first visit I was left with a handful of exercises to do with her and rattle suggestions. Last week was the second visit and I don’t think I’ll ever not feel judged as her mom. There’s nothing to therapist did or said, it’s just…I feel responsible for how well Warrior Princess is or is not doing. I feel admonished if I haven’t really sat her in a position because she doesn’t like it. I feel admonished if the therapist points out where WP is in too much flexion and extension. I feel admonished if WP is over it and would rather sleep through physical therapy. And this makes me feel weak, like I’m not being a good enough or strong enough mom.
I know it’s all in my head but I feel as though her success rests on me to help her be the best Warrior Princess she can be and if I’m slacking, that’s no bueno. If someone else has to point out where I can improve, then it’s been 2 weeks of me not doing right by her? Makes sense? Maybe not. Chalk it up to irrational motherhood I guess.