Last Saturday night, as I changed my Warrior Princess into her pajamas, a song came to mind. Well really it was only about 4 lines of the chorus that came to mind. It was Janet Jackson’s “Escapade“. I remembered how when I was younger, I wanted to one day look like her in the “Love will never do without you” music video. The hair style, the head band, the tank top and jeans. For me she was #goals.
Come on baby, let’s get away
Let’s save our troubles for another day
Come go with me, we’ve got it made
Let me take you on an escapade
I scooped up my little one and danced around with her. She laughed at the same 4 lines over and over. My husband, a little tired of my broken record, found the song on Xbox Music and put us both out of our broken record misery.
As I dance, we got into a suddenly deep conversation:
“I wonder what it would be like to have another child.”
“What do you mean?” We had discussed family planning before and we would like to have another child.
“What if we have another child and they don’t have Down Syndrome? What if that child can do things that she can’t? What if they feel obligated to take care of her?”
“Like if we have another child and they’re typical [typical is the term used for children born without Down Syndrome, it is not okay to say “normal”], what will happen with Warrior Princess?” I asked for clarification.
“Yes, what if they’re jealous because they think she’s getting more attention? Or what if she feels jealous because it’s a new baby?”
I didn’t have an answer. “I think we’ll be okay and figure it out…” We continued to discuss what it might be like to have another child. I had read about moms being unsure of how they would be able to love another child as much as they loved their first and only (if they had a single birth first). At the time I thought that was silly because moms just love, it what they do. I now thought, how would I be able to love someone else as much as I now loved my Warrior Princess? How does your heart find the space for love? And logistically, how do you find the time in the day?
As I continued to dance around, I remembered being about 5 years old and dancing around in the living room with my mom as “iiiiiii wanna dance with somebody…” played from the radio, my older brother and I bopping around the living room. Then Gloria Estefan and Sade playing as I danced on top of my mother’s feet. My mom was able to love us both (and then all three of us).
Some how, the heart grows as the family grows and there’s love enough for everyone.
We’ll have a good time…
Leave your worries behind…
On an escapade, baby